I was made for the cold.

*sigh*

I keep these goals in front of me. They make me try harder. They remind me of "why".

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Tomorrow night, Andrew and I are going to see a documentary (I think). It's amazing to me that someone who once made my heart wretched would become a best friend of sorts. I love this man. We get along like peas and carrots. We can talk, or we can sit still and be quiet, and then hours pass. When I cried, when I sobbed, he put his arms around me and held on to me until I was done. He stroked my hair and said nothing. This was the same man that at one time made me wish I could be anyone other than who I was. Where does that kind of redemption come from? How does the impression of one person change so completely in the course of a year?

I guess it's because you recognize that you're human, that we're all culpable and will make mistakes, and if we have grace, we will see beyond those mistakes and realize that we need each other still.

I think of another too, who once broke my heart so thoroughly that I thought nothing in the world would ever hurt as much. Now he's a friend who shares a history with me that no one else has shared, and when he visits with his girlfriend, I can look at him and see no trace of that sadness. It gives me hope for the future. There may come a time when I tell the person who most recently destroyed my trust that I appreciate and respect him. I may tell him that I consider him "friend". We may become a part of each others' lives again, and I may accept all that happened as water under the bridge.

Am I an idealist? Yeah, probably. I'm not there yet, but if history is any kind of precedent, then I guess nothing is impossible.

XO.