My Salome Nature

Somewhere along the way you realize the desire to be perfect is not the accomplishment of that feat. Either that paralyzes you, or you make your peace with it. This is my attempt at peace.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Man, I look so skinny in that photo. Seeing it now is jarring. I wish I could go back.

Six days after writing that last post on here, I found out I was pregnant.

Now I have less than six months to go before I bring a new person into the world, and I am scared. Scared.

I have never felt more alone, or more desperately aware of all that I lack.

I have never felt more hungry, either, and it seems I'm eating to mask fear as well as meet the unyielding desire for more food.

I have to stay very close to God in this. I know that I simply cannot do it on my own. I almost didn't do it, but I cried so much that I knew there was nothing for me except to have my child and enjoy the experience of motherhood as well as I can.

By the way, I've decided that not all single Christian men suck. Just most of them.

posted by Give Your Head A Shake @ 6:04 PM  

4 Comments:

  • At May 6, 2005 at 5:43:00 PM PDT, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    (from blue111moon aka Amethyst) I know you must be scared, terrified. I just have this gut feeling that you will be a wonderful mom. You learned firsthand from the best, you know? And maybe this baby was sent to you as God's way of continuing that same cycle of love. You have so much love and wisdom, and God has a way of making things work out as they should. Ack, that sounds trite, but it's heartfelt and I really mean it. I don't want to be nosy, just wondering though if it's ok to wonder... will the dad help you out? Emotionally, mostly, that's the hardest part. I know you're surrounded by friends and that's huge. It's like I've wanted so much to let the words tumble out and be supportive and yet not pry or stumble into your personal life, or say the wrong thing and put my foot in my mouth. Just please know that I think of you and worry for you and pray for you, and that I think you are awesome. Truly.

     

  • At May 6, 2005 at 7:15:00 PM PDT, Blogger Give Your Head A Shake said…

    Thank you, A. Your words are comforting (and amazing). They are such a gift to me.

     

  • At June 8, 2005 at 1:08:00 AM PDT, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey, I always here. An email or phone call away. I support you in this new phase of your life, from afar. I wish I had someone to talk to when I had my first.

    Talk to me.

    ~~~~ericka (avador)

     

  • At June 8, 2005 at 1:08:00 AM PDT, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey, I always here. An email or phone call away. I support you in this new phase of your life, from afar. I wish I had someone to talk to when I had my first.

    Talk to me.

    ~~~~ericka (avador)

     

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