Nobody told me there could be love like this.

Right after my mom got her terminal diagnosis, she immediately made one request of me:

She said, "Promise me you'll have children. You won't regret it."

Well, at the time I would have said anything to her; she had just found out she was dying. I didn't know if I'd be able to keep my promise to have children, but I would certainly try.

I understand now why she wanted so badly for me to have this. Josh has changed my life. I was never prepared for loving someone this much. It makes me ache, even. He's perfect and charming, and even if he weren't, I'd love him this much anyway. He was 3 weeks old as of yesterday.

Three weeks! That's such a short time. But I can't remember my life before him, and I don't want to. He's absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to me, even when he's been nursing for the whole day and I haven't had a chance to eat or take a shower or anything. When he's sleeping, I sometimes want him to wake up just so we can cuddle some more. When he cries, I get all squirrely until I can comfort him.

I can stare at him, literally, for hours. He looks nothing like me, and I sometimes wonder if he really did grow inside my body. But even if he came from another planet, I'd still be this taken with him.

I've been grateful for a lot of things in my life, but I have never been as grateful as I am right now, for a baby I didn't plan on having, and at one point, thought had ruined my life. Life sure is full of surprises.