So, today I'm watching black and white movies, because they feel like my mood.
Good Lord, being a single mother is hard. Every little thing is a huge deal. Like typing this itty bitty journal entry was a huge deal because as soon as I put him down, my tiny son is unhappy. Screechy, squirmy, why-don't-you-love-me-enough-to-hold-me? unhappy. And there's no one here to pass him off to for a few minutes. Who knew something so small could make so much noise and create so much work?
I feel so disconnected from the world. I feel trapped at the bottom of a well. I wish I could yell loud enough so that someone would hear me -- Please, I'm down here! Please don't forget about me!
I guess this is post-partum depression. Please, indeed.
Good Lord, being a single mother is hard. Every little thing is a huge deal. Like typing this itty bitty journal entry was a huge deal because as soon as I put him down, my tiny son is unhappy. Screechy, squirmy, why-don't-you-love-me-enough-to-hold-me? unhappy. And there's no one here to pass him off to for a few minutes. Who knew something so small could make so much noise and create so much work?
I feel so disconnected from the world. I feel trapped at the bottom of a well. I wish I could yell loud enough so that someone would hear me -- Please, I'm down here! Please don't forget about me!
I guess this is post-partum depression. Please, indeed.
posted by Give Your Head A Shake @ 11:55 AM
3 Comments:
At December 4, 2005 at 10:28:00 PM PST,
Anonymous said…
I hated reading this for two reasons: first and foremost, that you had to deal with another silly-ass man-related disappointment, and secondly because I had no idea such a man existed. I've really been out of the Mare loop as of late, haven't I? Sadly, though, your last paragraph there really sums up how I've been feeling lately, albeit for far different reasons. Sorry I haven't been around more during this extremely important time in your life. Hopefully someday soon I'll have my head screwed back on straight and I'll be able to be the friend I keep saying other people should be. In the meantime, try not to forget about me, okay? All right.
At December 5, 2005 at 4:44:00 AM PST,
Anonymous said…
Controlled by the fear of losing is a terrible way to go through life if you ask me - you miss out on so many experiences that broaden your tapestry. And there's no guarantee this way, he isn't going to lose you two, either…
Sorry, Mare. Some people are afraid to live.
And I am here. And do care.
Always have.
At December 5, 2005 at 3:01:00 PM PST,
Anonymous said…
Reading the other comments, I can't help feeling I'm missing something... but anyway!
Everytime I'm exhausted, and fed up with things, I think of you, and how hard it would be to do it all on my own, and it reminds me to be grateful, and that life could be so much harder. You're doing this, and it's hard, and it's lonely, and it sucks that you don't have someone else there to rely on... but you're doing it. And you'll continue to do it, because you're amazingly strong, and loving. You'll do it for all the reasons in your previous post.
In the meantime, as always, I'm just a phone call away.
A.
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