Good Lord, things are busy. I had a million things to do to get my daycare subsidy in place. My very good friends up the street lost their father yesterday. I had to borrow a car to go buy an air conditioner. And, I am moving downtown in two days. I went to pick up the keys yesterday, and turned down the alleyway next to my building just in time to see a crackwhore giving a guy a blowjob.
Yes, this is my new neighbourhood. This is the place where I will be living with my son (at least for the time being.) It's so sad. I used to look upon these people with such compassion and sympathy. Even while I was pregnant, and a very troubled woman grabbed me while I was walking to work, I still felt like I wanted to be there, and wanted to help in whatever way I could... but now, all I feel is threatened. All of the addicts, all of the dealers, all of the prostitutes, all of the guns, all of the desperate people... it just equals danger to me. Danger to Josh. How will I keep him safe from the harm that is so present and looming around every corner?
I am leaving my peaceful little middle class community on the lake (with only a smattering of nearly harmless crack addicts & pimps) to move into one of the scariest places I can think of in Toronto. And I'm taking my 8 month old son with me. Am I stoned?
I have to keep thinking positively. I have to keep hoping and trying to get past my fear, and remember why I do what I do, and why it's important for me to be close by. Gah, perspective is so hard when your blood pressure is through the roof and your heart is racing.
The good news is, I will be so close by to some of my dearest friends (who also happen to be my co-workers. How cool is that?) I spoke to one of them about starting up a small group/Bible study for those of us who don't belong to a typical church community, and we're excited about seeing what could come of that. I would really appreciate having a group of trusted friends to pray with, especially now that I feel so vulnerable in my living situation.
Okay, well, it's almost 8 a.m. and I've got to get the packing started for the day.
May the road rise up to meet you,
may the wind be always at your back,
may the sun shine warm upon your face,
and may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Yes, this is my new neighbourhood. This is the place where I will be living with my son (at least for the time being.) It's so sad. I used to look upon these people with such compassion and sympathy. Even while I was pregnant, and a very troubled woman grabbed me while I was walking to work, I still felt like I wanted to be there, and wanted to help in whatever way I could... but now, all I feel is threatened. All of the addicts, all of the dealers, all of the prostitutes, all of the guns, all of the desperate people... it just equals danger to me. Danger to Josh. How will I keep him safe from the harm that is so present and looming around every corner?
I am leaving my peaceful little middle class community on the lake (with only a smattering of nearly harmless crack addicts & pimps) to move into one of the scariest places I can think of in Toronto. And I'm taking my 8 month old son with me. Am I stoned?
I have to keep thinking positively. I have to keep hoping and trying to get past my fear, and remember why I do what I do, and why it's important for me to be close by. Gah, perspective is so hard when your blood pressure is through the roof and your heart is racing.
The good news is, I will be so close by to some of my dearest friends (who also happen to be my co-workers. How cool is that?) I spoke to one of them about starting up a small group/Bible study for those of us who don't belong to a typical church community, and we're excited about seeing what could come of that. I would really appreciate having a group of trusted friends to pray with, especially now that I feel so vulnerable in my living situation.
Okay, well, it's almost 8 a.m. and I've got to get the packing started for the day.
May the road rise up to meet you,
may the wind be always at your back,
may the sun shine warm upon your face,
and may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
posted by Give Your Head A Shake @ 4:47 AM
2 Comments:
At July 13, 2006 at 7:19:00 PM PDT,
Anonymous said…
and may you always live with the comfort of knowing that two people down the road, love and care deeply about you and the things you and Josh do…
cause we do
i know in my heart that this new neighbourhood, will be made better by having your heart within it
j&d
At July 16, 2006 at 2:19:00 AM PDT,
Anonymous said…
Ack. I know that overall this is a great move for you - but I can feel ya on the freaking out for Josh. :/
I freak out when suss looking people approach us in the grocery store to gawk at Ben...and I want to bat them away. Protective mama. I'd guess it was normal. :)
And like John said - the neighbourhood will be better for you being there. You're an awesome person Mare.
Oh and I was telling Ben about how his blanket in his bassinet was from his Auntie Mare and Josh. :) He smiled. Okay so I know it was gas, but still. ;)
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