Where have you been?

Around, I guess. I haven't had much to say because.... well. Eh. Much of my life feels discombomulated, and I don't have a sense of integration between myself and the things going on. I don't know how to feel connected to the things in my world anymore, and it's been that way since I moved into this apartment. It's really affecting my ability to articulate pretty much anything, and I'm finding the struggle even moves into work where writing a simple piece of correspondence leaves me floundering and grasping for an hour or more. So weird. I used to really have a handle on words and expression... and now I just feel kind of impotent.

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have this bad sense of something coming down the pipe, and I have since before I moved into this apartment. For some reason, I don't feel at home here. Beautiful though it is, it feels borrowed, unnecessary, unwelcoming. It doesn't help that we share this place with a grey mouse, and yesterday I saw a cockroach (dear God, not cockroaches PLEASE!!!) but that's not even it. It's just this feeling that I'm not "home". I'm living here, but I don't feel at home here.

In other news, Josh is doing well. He's so big and intelligent and bright. He loves daycare and is really thriving. He's no longer the youngest baby, because they've just accepted a six month old, but he was the first to go and interact with the new kid, which earned him kudos from the teachers on his daily chart. I guess he figures himself the social committee of the infant room, and I'm okay with that. He possesses the hospitality I lack.

Here he is enjoying blueberries with great enthusiasm:


Sorry for the boring update.