Man, I don't even know what to say anymore. It's been such an up and down year. Right now, I'm heading into a hard trip (because of the associations with this time of year) and I'm trying to do it positively and gracefully. You know, the last time I was caught in a pit, I was able to really connect with God and feel myself being pulled along by his love, even if I dragged my feet and whined and complained. This time, I know he's got me, but I can't feel it. Instead, I feel like I'm in a canyon, and the sounds I receive are echoes of people far away.

I'm doing all the things I can, though. I'm not going to let myself sit at home and wallow. I'm forcing myself to go out and be social. I'm putting closure where closure is needed. I'm making a priority out of my own health and heart instead of laying them down on the chopping block for the sake of someone else. (That's really hard, by the way, for a co-dependent gal like me. You instinctively want to sacrifice your own well-being to "help" someone else, even if that person is shitting all over you.) I'm trying to be wise and keep going through the actions until my feelings catch up and kick in.

It kind of sucks.

Nevertheless, it's important so I keep walking. Walking... walking...