Okay.

Grateful. Grateful. Grateful. Find something to be grateful about. If you can live in gratitude, it will affect how you live, how you're perceived, and how you perceive things around you.

I'm trying, Lord.

I'm grateful that Josh isn't sick anymore. Last week was a disaster. He was so sick I ended up taking him to Sick Kids hospital. THAT night was a nightmare unto itself, and I discovered that someone I once thought so sound and solid and helpful wasn't any of those things... just selfish, uncaring, unkind. I ended up begging around until I could find a ride home.

I try not to be miserable about the prospect of raising Josh alone forever. But secretly, I'm scared. I think on how much I enjoyed having a partnership, a companion to help, and it makes me feel like there's not much to look forward to in the future. It makes me feel defeated and complacent. I know I need to get it together and snap out of it, but it's not coming so easily, you know?

Okay. That's enough of that. I'm grateful for my limbs, for my eyesight, for my job, my home, my daycare, my daycare subsidy, and most importantly, I'm grateful for my son. There are lots of positives, if I'll just choose to focus on them instead of what I lack.

And what I lack wasn't that great anyway.