I used to say things. I came here and wrote and somehow, interesting things seeped out. Sometimes.

It's been a such an up and down ride. I feel sad, and wonder if I should. I read my last post, in November, and wonder where that went. When and why did I give up so much of myself? And I keep looking ahead thinking, someday, I'm going to be past all this and I will be so glad and grateful. But somehow, I'm not moving past it. I'm staying stuck and allowing it to happen. I feel like a drug user who doesn't know how to get clean but wishes for it desperately. I look to an imaginary future, I guess. The one I imagine is so lovely compared to the one I actually see coming.

Oh well. I forgot to take my stupid Celexa three days in a row. Maybe that's it.